Saturday Sarcasm: Rosenstein, Kavanaugh, FEMA Head, Brexit, and Le Pen

By Robert A. Vella

I awoke this morning fearing some very disturbing news to greet me, but so far our increasingly insane world has been relatively quiet today.  The calm won’t last, I’m sure;  so, I’ll take this brief interlude to offer up some lighthearted Saturday sarcasm.  Hey, even Lucifer laughed as he fell into the Pit… or so I heard.

Rod Rosenstein

After the bizarre New York Times story broke yesterday about the Deputy Attorney General’s discussions in 2017 concerning secret recordings of President Trump and invocation of the 25th Amendment, the conspiracy machines revved up on both sides of the political spectrum.  Lefties asserted the story was faked by Trump allies in order to give him the excuse to fire Rosenstein and therefore stop the Mueller investigation from proving that America’s Megalomaniac-in-Chief colluded with Russia to fix the 2016 election.  Righties are now warning the President not to fire Rosenstein because they believe the story was faked to lure him into an impeachment trap cleverly set by Trump opponents.  What is more likely to be true, is that Department of Justice officials were justifiably outraged by Trump’s firing of then FBI Director James Comey and naturally engaged in a whole range of conversations of which none were seriously acted upon.  I think it would be extremely entertaining to put the proponents of these contrasting conspiracy theories in a small, hot, windowless room and video-record the ensuing fireworks.  Don’t you?

Brett Kavanaugh

Late last night, Republicans in control of the Senate Judiciary Committee granted an unspecified extension on their deadline ultimatum issued to sexual assault victim Christine Blasey Ford which compels her to either accept their blatantly unfair conditions for testimony or else they’ll move to confirm the alleged would-be rapist Brett Kavanaugh to the U.S. Supreme Court.  President Trump nominated Kavanaugh to the court, after urging moderate Justice Anthony Kennedy to retire, to appease social conservative fanatics who want to overturn Roe v. Wade and to help protect himself from the Mueller investigation.  Or, maybe he just likes to reward misogynist perverts like himself?

FEMA Head

Also late yesterday, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen announced that FEMA Administrator William “Brock” Long won’t face any criminal charges but will be required to pay back the costs of using federal vehicles for his own personal use.  I heard through the grapevine that those costs have been assessed at a burdensome figure of $19.99.

Brexit

Poor British Prime Minister Theresa May!  After her country stupidly voted to leave the European Union, she has been struggling to find a workable solution that won’t anger the right-wing nut-jobs in and out of her government.  Making matters worse, E.U. officials are playing hardball and it appears that her own balls just aren’t hard enough.  Although I find her predicament quite amusing, the consequences of a “no deal” for the people of the U.K. are not at all funny.

Le Pen

Finally, there is the case of another right-wing nut-job who Tweets inciteful psychobabble like Trumpski.  But unlike Americans who love egomania, the French apparently do not.  A court has ordered Marine Le Pen to undergo a psychiatric evaluation which she is refusing to comply with.  “I won’t go!” she defiantly declared.  Considering that she cannot be forced to under French law, there is little risk of her being burned at the stake like Joan of Arc.  Too bad, that sure would’ve been a spectacle!